Sigh.. I've just attended 2 funerals of friends' parents 2 days in a role.. within a month.. I have like 3 weddings coming along the way.. next week.. I have to celebrate my mum's birthday.. early this week I've just celebrated my dad's birthday... I think I just used up my savings for the next 2 months for all these events... Die liao.. how to save money like that...

Anyway, i think I've written a wrong statement for dazhi's mum.. think his dad misinterpreted my meaning.. What I meant was that she is remembered in my mind when we played mahjong thus she was a mahjong khaki.. sigh.. always kenna chide by his dad... sianz...

But never mind.. most important is what I meant lor...

More birthdays preparation to come...



Sometimes you will suddenly realized that the one you have been going after is not the one you might want to spend your time with as you know that it will never work out... You let it slide.. but then how can this be done without the other letting go.

I'm sorry for misleading but then you are the misleaded leading on the misleader all this while..

You will never have the best of both world cuz your morals does not allow you to... and to do so, you might enjoy it but in the long run, all you will feel is guilt as you will be letting both person down. Just forget and move on. Enjoy the bliss that you have... or actually the false picture that you have painted for yourself... cuz you have miss it, your chance for something different..

Anyway, somehow I just know it will not last.. we are too different, we are too late.. It was never meant to be. I guess I have begun to let go and hope you will slowly understand that to. Understand that it is just a fling and maybe for me, my feeble attempt to know what I've missed out... I dunno.. it is just crude of me..

I trying to learn all over again now.. hope you do to...







Sigh.. I have been a sinner.. I'm guilty of many sins.. Actually to date, all of them..I'm not sure about all of you but there is no way you can get rid of them or not commit them.. They are just too common.. Let me explain to you what I mean.
By the way, the seven SINS are Luxuria (extravagance, later lust), Gula (gluttony), Avaritia (greed), Acedia (sloth), Ira (wrath, more commonly known as anger), Invidia (envy), and Superbia (pride).

The one that has plagued me the most has been Gula... Look at my size, you will know... But I'm trying my best now.. committed to 20KM every week.. Give me until end of this year (2007) let's see if I can redeem myself...

Luxuria is just piecemeal for me lar.. You're my friends for a very long time.. I've been in and out of it most of the time. All your crushes will fall under luxuria as it is usually some looks that first attract you to that person. You might say no, I'm not like that.. blah blah blah.. hey,I believe that you will see things first before you feel anything lor..Pls don't tell me that you don't find yourself looking at guys such as Mr Pitt, Mr Takeshi Kaneshiro, Mr Lau, Mr Wu or ladies such as Miss Zeta Jones, Miss Beckinsale, etc .... SEX appeal sells like hot cakes lor.. guess why most clubs always seem to have attractive people there.. Because they are hire good looking people (models) to hang out there lor. If not, they will be given free membership.. So that they can entice the Luxuria in you...Oh shit.. I sound like I am committing Invidia (envy) right now..hmmm....
Anyway, I've committed Luxuria recently and I've been guilty ever since... I really need to hole up myself and keep my focus to things that really matter to me...(I'm trying to repent here)

However, guess what, by trying to keep my focus, it is easily said than done, which eventually I will commit Acedia, as you will get sloppy and lazy to do things once you are deterred from doing so.. But that is not all about laziness.. Acedia revolves around a lot of things such as sadness. apathy. Which I believe nobody can escape this sin...

Hmmm.. So far 3 sins.. you must be thinking how is that possible to the complete sinner.. No worries.. I have the guide to be one lor.. cuz I actually manage to have committed all of them being on this earth for the past 25 years..

Let's see now.. There is Avaritia (greed)..come on now. Don't tell me we have never been greedy before... you never wanted a higher salary, a better job, a better boyfriend, a better environment... some how some way we would want something better for ourselves.. you might say that there is nothing wrong with wanting and not be satisfied with your needs as this is how the world goes round but hey... guess what you have just committed GREED... hhaha

Oh ya.. there is wrath.. wrath is all encompassing... it can be anger, hatred, rage, assault, violence, prejudice and discrimation.. So come on pls don't tell me you have never committed an action related to the words that I have used. hahah... Thanks .. you have just committed WRATH as well.. woohoo.. Oh ya.. I just committed the very sin this morning with my mum... my dad as well... it is a long story again about myself.. Just feeling sad for myself... which mean SLoth again.. arghhhh.. It is a endless cycle.. haha

I'm left with Superbia (Pride) and Invidia (Envy).. Well.. a lot of people are committing Superbia (pride) daily..It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to give compliments to others though they may be deserving of them, and excessive love of self. Haha.. Well, if you say... hmm.. I don't think I have not done so.. I'm not like that.. Well.. I honestly don't believe it lor....if not, the cosmetic industry and fashion industry can close down liao... haha.. have you heard of the phrase, you must love yourself in order to love others.. but when you attempt to do so.. some times, I don't mean all the time, we will tend to love ourselves more than we love others.. cuz we are not saints and we don't have that much to give around.. You might be nodding your head now and agreeing that there is only so much we can give... but then you're wrong.. it really depends if you want to and how much you want to sacrifice.. Superbia is the dealiest of all sins as somehow someway unknowingly it will hit.. so beware my friends... mUahahahahaha...

I'm not going much into Invidia (envy) as if you have committed Greed.. you would have committed Envy.. haha.. Just to give you a difference. Well, Greed is largely associated with material goods, whereas Envy may apply more generally. Second, those who commit the sin of Envy desire something that someone else has which they perceive themselves as lacking. Which come on lar.. you never felt like having the Gucci handphone that is in the market? The latest iTouch, the pretty bag that the Biatch is carrying, the next watch the hunk has on his hand, the watermelon juice that the little kid is drinking cuz it is such a bloody hot day..

Anyway.. congrats that you found out that you're a sinner if you haven't. And congrats you have actually sinned more than you can sinned.. hurhur..

I think I'm done for today...Just my usual rubbish ramblings cuz I wanted to let out some noise out within me.. I mentioned some... There are some things in me that has really been bothering me.. I just didn't have an idea how..

je suis kevin.
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